under the sea

amishpixie @ 2009-03-09T09:17:00

2009-03-09T14:17:11Z

amishpixie.tumblr.com

amishpixie @ 2008-04-02T01:06:00

2008-04-02T05:09:02Z

michigan [home; known opportunities; doing big things]

vs

chicago [new place, possible more opportunities; doing even bigger things?]

>=[

amishpixie @ 2008-02-27T22:47:00

2008-02-28T03:58:03Z

google calendar was my friend. with all of its color-coded events and the ability to view a month's schedule at a glance, it gave me pride in organizing and scheduling meetings and other events. until i realized that i don't have a single free saturday night in the month of march. now you would think that i'm used to this sort of ordeal, but it just hit me that i'm actually quite busy...weekends are worse than weekdays. at least with weekdays, you have some sort of expectation that the weekend will be better. but the weekend doesn't have that luxury. instead, on sunday night, i get to look forward to ms raines's snide comments about late people the moment i walk into first hour (naturally, late).

however much i say i despise it though, i really don't. i love being busy. if i weren't, i think i'd go crazy from reading too much chick lit, eating and hanging out every night, and being online. but a nice day of relaxation every couple of months won't hurt. i should schedule myself some time to relax .

first semester

2008-01-25T03:45:36Z

yep, bad week. haven't slept in two days, got a B in stats for the semester, COD tomorrow and saturday night, and random awkward boy issues.

i bawled my eyes out in guinta's room after i saw that big fat C under my name for the exam grade. how ironic...it's almost the only class that i thought i WOULDN'T have gotten a B in. i knew i should've actually figured out when do use certain equations. it was 2 am though i guess watching win a date with tad hamilton with linda and engorging ourselves at mongolian bbq wasn't the smartest thing to do on exams week. oh well i still had lots of fun, and

I'M A SECOND SEMESTER SENIOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to do

2007-12-23T16:44:07Z

college apps stuff
[x] why chicago
[x] favorite things
[x] why penn
[x] penn short answers (2)
~~[ ] umich honors essay~~ <- screw honors, i'll just do MRC

school
[ ] boomilever
[x] spanish
[x] calc review
[x] PORs (2)
[ ] character project
[x] physics notebook
[ ] comet lab
~~[ ] world EC~~ <-def don't care about that anymore

amishpixie @ 2007-11-10T01:25:00

2007-11-10T06:26:04Z

i reactivated my facebook. might as well, since i've been reactivating each day just to play tetris for half an hour or so.

still not going on aim though (unless my phone stays taken away)

amishpixie @ 2007-11-08T23:31:00

2007-11-09T04:40:33Z

Wow. Way too many good stuff at Michigan. Too many programs to choose from.

IGR
Ginsberg
MCS
Honors Program

They all sound so tempting. How the heck do they expect you to make a decision!? I need TIME. Or, the complement of that would be not sleeping. It's not fair. I didn't even send my deposit and I'm already planning for next year here.

Damn pink Michigan hoodie. That's all I can think about. I gotta get that soon.

oh mothers.....

2007-11-05T02:26:27Z

what i've been hearing most this year:

"go to a good college. it'll be a good environment and you're more likely to find a good boyfriend there"

never mind the fact that i need intellectual growth and stimulation. i guess all i need is a boyfriend

mmmm

2007-10-30T05:27:37Z

The rules are easy, just post 6 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 6 people and force them to post this meme on their LJs. Because it is good. Everyone needs a little happiness once in a while.

1. finishing yale app
2. having a free weekend for the first time since school started
3. getting into michigan!
4. A- in Spanish
5. angie reading a book to me -my sister is a literary genius
6. understanding calc

who's not tagged?
1. kevin
2. kathy
3. emily
4. jenny
5. julia
6. cari

amishpixie @ 2007-10-23T21:31:00

2007-10-24T01:32:28Z

CONGRATULATIONS—You’re IN!

You’ve been admitted to the University of Michigan College of Literature, Science, and the Arts for Fall 2008!

amishpixie @ 2007-09-24T22:22:00

2007-09-25T02:23:08Z

//confused//

about everything.

i love my attendence record

2007-06-27T20:23:56Z

hour                        absent                        tardy
1                              4                                 0 <--i <3 mr read
2                              3                                 0
3                              2                                   1
4                              3                               1
5                              1                                 0
6                              1                                 0

-apparently i have a thing with not going to morning classes
-i don't ever recall being absent from apush
-1 was from being sick, but i went to 5th and 6th hour
-1 was from going with mom to detroit in the morning; went to 5th and 6th hour because i had that 1984 essay due
-skipped precalc once because i had a quiz and wasn't prepared to take it
-i remember skipping 1st and 2nd hour one day because of something....then i parked in plymouth and walked into the middle of the qual lab-OH so that's where that one tardy came from
-lastly, i remember walking into ape really really late because of apac stuff

haha i'm such a slacker now

amishpixie @ 2007-06-08T22:49:00

2007-06-09T02:50:12Z

woohooo an hour of sleep in two days...fun

term paper progress

2007-05-27T12:41:14Z

i've decided to keep a schedule of how my term paper is (not coming along)

5/27
8:40am: three sentences! wo0t. the three sentences took me over an hour, but yeah...at least i wrote something. i'm still 9 and 2/3 pages behind schedule though.
1:27pm: Two paragraphs wo0t! I have my overall intro....now onto the real stuff

amishpixie @ 2007-04-12T19:09:00

2007-04-12T23:12:04Z

i bought three prep books from barnes and noble on monday. my ap lang prep book came in the mail yesterday, and my apush one is supposed to arrive tomorrow. the only book i've opened is gov and the only page i read in it is the percent right i need to get a 5.

apac show is in nine days.
sat II's are in two weeks.
AP's are in three (i think?)

ooh boy i'm screwed

amishpixie @ 2007-03-20T00:03:00

2007-03-20T04:04:14Z

happy birthday to me

now the real cause for celebration is outlining the last chapter of garraty

edit: guess whose waterland paper has been pushed back =D
this alone totally makes my birthday!!

why i don't like napping

2007-02-14T14:17:14Z

1. i meant to get up at 7 last night
2. then i meant to get up at 9 when 7pm came
3. but my alarm didn't ring
4. so i slept till 7 am

thank god we have a snow day. otherwise i'd be screwed.

tasp essay #3 -conflict and resolution

2007-01-22T03:06:22Z

i'm really proud of this one. also, i was rereading my last narrative and thought that was pretty good too, especially considering i wrote that very late at night and was in a time crunch. this one took a lot longer to write though, because it really is/was a conflict. i don't think the resolution is perfect, but hopefully it makes sense.

In a random conversation one night, my friend Aaron told me that I was sexist.

“Me? Sexist?! Impossible! You’re talking to the girl who is a self-declared feminist, a person who prides herself in saying that she wants social equality for men and women!

“Okay, maybe I am slightly sexist.”

But I do support equality of the sexes. I call myself a feminist because there is a lack of a better term for a person who subscribes to the aforementioned belief, not because I’m a radical, bra-burning hippie who has unresolved contempt for the male-dominated society for the centuries of oppression that her fellow sisters have faced.

I just want to be able to say that women are just as capable as men (if not more than) and not be laughed at in the face for it. Is it so hard in a society where the Speaker of the House, the Secretary of State, and the most powerful person in the entertainment industry are all female? The whole idea that female is the inferior sex is certainly not reinforced by the statistic that there are more women enrolled in college than men, and one cannot doubt why when one looks in a typical high school setting: student council, student congress, National Honor Society, and many other clubs are comprised of primarily girls and female executive boards.

“Women are just as capable as men.” I can live with the possibility that others don’t believe this statement (those male chauvinist pigs) because I have statistics and evidence to back up my beliefs. What I have a difficult time reconciling are my romantic preconceptions that I’ve lived with my entire life and my feminist principles of independence and self-reliance. In other words, my romantic ideals and my realistic actions are duking it out, and I feel like a major hypocrite.

Now I can blame Disney for creating happily-ever after movies about princes rescuing princesses, and then marketing them in such a genius way, but I’ve always been optimistic when thinking about love and finding that special someone. He would be tall and handsome, with strong arms and wide shoulders to protect me from danger. But above all, he would be a perfect gentleman. Chivalry may be dying, but it is not completely dead. My romantic side can’t help but sigh when guys hold doors open for girls, stand up when a woman graces the room with her presence, or walks on the farthest side of the street when with a woman. It swoons when a guy gives a girl his jacket because she’s cold, rescues her from danger, or duels to defend her honor. Is it so bad to want men to do these things for women? Aaron told me that I’m being sexist towards men because I have these expectations that are for males only. Why should only guys be expected to do these things?

It’s not that I will shun all guys who don’t act “gentlemanly;” it’s because those are nice gestures to remind us that there are still people in this cynical and depressing world that put others before themselves. Besides, there are some universal manners that I believe everyone should do, regardless of sex, such as holding doors open for people walking behind. It’s just that I’m more of a traditionalist when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. I would very much prefer the guy to make the first move, propose, and protect the girl. This idea goes along with the hero archetype of a person that will always be there to protect you from evil.

Although I may want my very own knight in shining armor, I refuse to be the traditional damsel in distress. After a century of fighting for equal rights, women finally have at least semi-equal opportunities that can put us on the same playing field as men. Even though our political and economic power still may not be as great as men’s, we have considerable influence over important issues. A strong, independent woman is admirable. Her happiness does not depend on a man, and if she is in a relationship, she is not the clingy type to mope around when the man is not there. A modern woman is emotionally, financially, and politically independent. Men don’t choose for the modern woman; she, in her own right, is a capable human being who is able to think and act for herself.

I look up to this conception of the modern woman and I strive to be one. I am a self-reliant, strong human being who does not depend on others for my happiness. I’ve proved to myself and others that I am just as smart and have just as much ability as the smartest guy. Yet deep down inside, I am still waiting for my prince to arrive. He doesn’t necessarily have to save me –he can be there just to reassure me that modern women can still find their dream guy. It’s okay to want to be protected from harm. Ever since infanthood, we seek the warmth and comfort of other human beings because we like security.

I’ve realized that it’s okay to have conceptions of the ideal relationship as long as I keep in mind the realities of living in the 21st century. For the most part, I’ve found a balance between my romanticism and my feminism. However much I believe in the notion of a knight in shining armor, I don’t sit around and daydream about him. I’m a proactive, romantic feminist who takes charge of her own life whether or not a guy is around. As for the sexist comment, men and women are biologically different, so a line has to be drawn somewhere between sexism and plain old ability. It’s not really sexism unless one is denying opportunities to a particular sex. I would prefer chivalrous guys who make the first move, propose, and protect, but it’s not a requirement.

In addition to that, other people, including men, have similar views on traditional gender roles as I do. Guys sometimes like it when they have to act as the protector because it makes them feel needed and boosts their ego. As for the males proposing only preference, I’ve conducted a mini-survey of how a guy would feel if he were proposed to. The results? Emasculated. Guess I still have some statistics to back up my beliefs.

p.s. i have/had a new blog. it's a lot more thoughtful than this one.

resile.blogspot.com

new year's resolutions

2007-01-01T21:59:11Z

i failed last year's horibbly. execpt i did get an A in psych, albeit it was an A- :-P

1. read a book a month (not for school)
2. do well on all the tests and school stuff
3. figure out what i want to do with the rest of my life
4. learn how to do laundry
5. keep my room at least semi-clean
6. have a GREAT apac show =)
7. have some sort of deep philosophical insight that i can look back on and not think that i was an idiot
8. not pull all nighters on sunday nights (or at all)

i think that's it. those seem pretty do-able too.

this week

2006-12-22T05:49:07Z

it's my narrative, but it's basically about this week:

Since the dawn of the public education system, most students view school as one of, if not the most, oppressing force of their lives. To most of us students, school doesn’t allow for individuality to show, doesn’t break the vicious cycle of attending classes and doing homework, and most importantly, doesn’t give us the opportunity to be spontaneous and break rules without some sort of consequence. Now I’ve never thought of school as an oppressive force because intellectually, I find most of my classes interesting (I admit, I’m a dork for knowledge). However, my curiosity and love for knowledge has not been strong enough to keep this point of view this past week. I feel trapped into the cycle of school, extracurricular activities, homework, and school again, and there seems to be no way out of it. From all sorts of directions, I’ve been forced to stop caring about what I think and instead do what I should be doing. This, in effect, has made me crazy, sleep-deprived, and careless to the point where I just want to give up on everything.

It all started with the absolutely lovely Cuckoo’s Nest paper that we had to write for AP English. Mr. Read (you) told me that I need to restructure my paper so that it actually made sense. “Okay,” I thought, “he’s right. It needs major work and I’ll just do it over the weekend.” I had the most precise schedule worked out for that weekend: Friday night: Precalc and Waterland post; Saturday: AP Gov and the paper; Sunday: APUSH and the notebook. However, my old procrastinating self decided to work hard on getting me off track, and before I knew it, it was midnight on Sunday and I hadn’t started any of my Garraty outlines for APUSH.

For some reason, it never occured to me that I don’t have to finish my homework. The concept of always finishing homework before class is so ingrained into my unconscious that I panic when I leave an assignment at home (which rarely happens) or just totally forget to do something the night before (which is why I write assignments on post-its). Coupling this with my own internal expectations, I pulled an all-nighter that Sunday in order to outline the two chapters of the book needed. “I’m such a freaking idiot,” I thought (I talk to myself quite a lot), “there are outlines online that I can just take.” But no, I’m trapped in this role of being the model student that I would feel guilty for taking other people’s work.

School on Monday was tolerable. I’ve done the all-nighter thing before and realized that the real effects don’t take place until two or three days after (which is why one on a Sunday night is possibly the stupidest thing ever to do). When I walked into science Olympiad after school, the first thing Parth said was,

“Gee Sarah you look bad.”

Me: “Thanks Parth, nice to see you too.”
Parth: “I mean it looks like you pulled an all-nighter,” (He knew about it before)

ME: “Althea told me I looked like a zombie today. But I felt fine. Do I really look that bad?”

I didn’t really care about my appearance. But I thought that I looked semi-cute on Monday! “So much for trying,” I thought, “Guess I’ll use this energy for something more productive now. Like writing my conclusion for that paper.” The due dates and test dates for that week had permeated my conscious so much that it was all I could think about. How much time is ribbon dancing going to take away from active reading? How much time did I just waste by talking to people online? I had no life. In fact, I haven’t had a life since school started. It was then that I realized how I was just another victim of the education system’s Combine. There was no way to escape it. The Combine has engrained a sense of such responsibility that even on the one day that I skipped school (the only day that I’ve missed since entering high school), I spent the day not sleeping, not goofing off, but doing AP English and APUSH homework. Yes, I skipped school to do homework. And then I ended up going to school after classes were let out because I had extracurricular obligations that I would’ve felt absolutely horrible about if I didn’t go. If School and I were dating, I’d be the submissive, obedient, “whipped” person of the relationship.

As this week went by, I started to get more and more depressed. This has, by far, been the hardest week of the school year (and I thought the week before Christmas was supposed to be easy). One event creeps up after the other. A major assignment that was given a month ago is now due the next day. Ice cappuccinos have become my best friend. And worst of all, I haven’t been taking care of myself. This whole week I’ve been skipping lunch to go to the library and do homework. My life has finally fused into one with the Combine’s ideal. Everyday, I concentrate on nothing but homework, homework, and more homework. The never ending stream of due dates had made me lost sight of the life and beauty that the world has to offer, something that I haven’t regained until earlier tonight.

After the annual APAC Holiday Dinner, I felt more content than I had in that moment than during all week. As I was driving home at 9 pm, I wasn’t thinking about how I have to bake for three classes, how I haven’t bought any Christmas presents, how my notebook is due the next day, how I also have a math test and don’t even know the chapter that we’re studying. All I was thinking about was how happy everyone was during dinner and how fun the white elephant exchange was. My preoccupation with school has made me forget that it is the holiday season, the season to enjoy precious time on Earth with family and friends. As I was driving home, I played my CD of the Angry String Quartet’s renditions of Taking Back Sunday songs. They reminded me of the irony and enigma that is presented everywhere. Songs so emo by Taking Back Sunday are suddenly transformed into a beautiful violin solo. It was like how I was tired and grouchy throughout this week, but suddenly I felt content, which is something that I rarely feel even when things are going good. My spirit is intact after all. And I still do enjoy school, because underneath the complaints and whining, I enjoy the feeling of busyness because it doesn’t give me much time to really think about myself. Is that a sign of me bending towards the will of the Combine? Perhaps, but for now, the satisfaction of turning in my homework is enough for me.

thank you apush

2006-12-18T09:31:49Z

mmmm another all nighter. i think i'll treat myself to an ice capp this morning.

this is going to be one hell of a week

i crack myself up

2006-12-06T17:31:45Z

i skipped school so i can catch up on my ape and apush homework.

amishpixie @ 2006-11-22T20:20:00

2006-11-23T01:20:38Z

RULES:
* Put your music player on Shuffle or Random.
* Write a couple of lines from the first 25 songs it plays. Don't skip any.
* Sit back and let everyone guess.
* Once a song is guessed correctly, cross it out.
* Have FUN with it.

-i skipped the songs without words or are in another language-

1. God damn the black night, with all its foul temptations. I've become what I've always hated when I was with you then.
~~2. And you lied to the angels, said I stabbed you to death. If we go at the same time, they'll clean up the mess.~~
3. And when I touch you I feel happy inside. It's such a feeling that my love I can't hide, I can't hide, I can't hide.
4. And when the worrying starts to hurt and the world feels like graves of dirt, just close your eyes until you can imagine this place.
~~5. Boys will be boys, hiding in estrogen and wearing Aubergine dreams~~
6. I saw you standing in my headlights. I thought I'd run you down for the weight you left on me. Instead I punched rewind, reversed and drove away.
7. Open your eyes. look to the sky when you're lonely. There will be stars shining for you. Sleeping away, it's getting late, snow is falling.
8. She's the only one for me. She's the only girl I see. Can't seem to find a damn thing wrong with her -Veronica.
~~9. Friday night and the lights are on. Looking out for a place to go.~~
10. Cause our love, is really in love, so just let it be.
11. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive. Look me in the heart and tell me that you won't go.
~~12. But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew you never knew.~~
13. Overtly individual, covertly traditional. she couldn't seem to make up her mind. and the only think constant was the constant reminder she's never change.
14. What they would take when hard times opened their eyes, saw pain in a new way, high stakes for a few names
~~15. I've been around the world. Seen a million hunnies, really special girls~~
~~16. I don't know if there'll be snow. but have a cup of cheer =)~~
17. From the start to the finish, i'ma bark on my contenders. wanna tarnish my image, i can't promise forgiveness
~~18. If i'm gonna tell it then i gotta tell it all. damn near i cried when i got that phone call.~~
~~19. Her name is Alberta she lives in Vancouver. She cooks like my mother and sucks like a Hoover.~~
20. I hope you don't mind that i put down in words how wonderful life is now you're in the world.
~~21. If you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious.~~
22. I make-believe that you are here. It's the only way I see clear. What have I done? You seem to move on easy.
23. I'm never going to see goodbye cuz I never wanna see you cry.
~~24. What's the deal, with my brain, why am I so obviously insane?~~
~~25. Brotha I ain't askin', they say they love my ass in Seven jeans, true religion~~

~~1. Maybe when i'm done with thinking, maybe you can make me whole. Maybe when i'm done with endings this can begin~~
2. I'm not waiting around for a man to save me because i'm happy where i am.
3. Maybe somewhere else will not be half as cold as me. The curtains drawn the winter sun makes patterns on your face.
~~4. There's a thousand words that I could say to make you come home. Seems so long ago you walked away, and left me alone.~~
5. And when you're out there, without care, yeah i was out of touch.
~~6. Breaking my back just to know your name. 17 tracks and i've had it with this game.~~
7. Maybe it's me, maybe i bore you. No no, it's my fault, cuz i can't afford you.
8. Houses burnt beyond repair, the smell of death is in the air. A women weeping in despair since he has been here.
9. People have the right to fly. Well well, it gets compromised. The heart says move along, the mind say got your heart, let's move it along.
10. The tragedy is how you're going to spend the rest of the nights with the light on, so shine the light on the rest of your friends, when the rest amounts to nothing in the end.
~~11. Don't pretend your sorry, no you're not. You know you got the power to make me weak inside.~~
~~12. There's always that one person that will always have your heart. You never see it coming because you're blinded from the start.~~
~~13. God show me the way, cuz the devil trying to break me down.~~
14. Shouldn't be this difficult to breathe.
~~15. The fish don't fry in the kitchen.....just to get up that hill.~~
16. I see the color in your eyes, they set me free, they get me high
17. And i'm wondering who will be the first to say what we both know. We're just holding on to what could have been
18. I'm not a player i just crush a lot <<3 <3 <3 <3
~~19. This feeling's like no other, I want you to know. I've never had someone that knows me like you do, the way you do~~.
20. Wait till the perfect time and you will wait too long. He will be gone.
21. Baby i apologize, for all the things that i've done. See i know i've been a fool for far too long.
~~22. It means no worries for the rest of your days. It's a problem free philosophy <33333~~
~~23. We're been on the run, driving in the sun, looking out for number one~~
~~24. Round yon virgin mother and child, holy infant so tender and mild.~~
~~25. Smiles politely back to you, you stare politely right on through.~~

amishpixie @ 2006-11-17T17:31:00

2006-11-17T22:31:43Z

If our life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?
so, here's how it works:
1. open your library (itunes, winamp, media player, ipod, etc)
2. put it on shuffle
3. press play
4. for every question, type the song that's playing
5. when you go to a new question, press the next button
6. don't lie and try to pretend you're cool.. Write whatever it says!

opening credits: Start of Something New_High School Musical OST

waking up: Shut Your Eyes_Snow Patrol

first day of school: Shake It Off_Mariah Carey

falling in love: Daylight_Coldplay

fight song: O_Omarion

breaking up: Flying Without Wings_Westlife

prom: Unfaithful_Rihanna

life's ok: Marches and Manuevers_Thursday

mental breakdown: Get Me Outta Here_Jet

driving: So Happy Together_The Turtles

flashback: Midnight Show_The Killers

getting back : Everything is Alright_Motion City Soundtrack

birth of a child: New Chapter_T.C.T.

wedding: Since You Been Gone_Kelly Clarkson

final battle: When a Child is Born_Johnny Mathis

death scene: Try Again_Westlife

funeral song: Get Free_The Vines

ending credits: My Little Secret_Xscape

congratulations

2006-10-23T10:06:25Z

i just pulled my first all-niter of the school year